


Every Letter You Wrote Me

by allonsy_gabriel



Series: The Other 51 [37]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Amnesia, Angst, Cliffhangers, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, Letters, M/M, Poor James, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 13:56:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11647944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsy_gabriel/pseuds/allonsy_gabriel
Summary: The last time I wrote you a letter, your name wasn't Parker and I wore much more black, so I'm sorry if my skills are a bit rusty, but I don't know what else to do.





	Every Letter You Wrote Me

**Author's Note:**

> Also known as, James writes letters and we all cry.

August 3rd

~~Dear Parker~~

~~My Dearest Pa~~

~~To~~

Parker,

 

The last time I wrote you a letter, your name wasn't Parker and I wore ~~a lot of~~ much more black, so I'm sorry if my skills are a bit rusty, but I don't know what else to do.

 

Writing this doesn't even make sense since you're lying in a bed not even a foot away from me. I could ~~literally just~~ just as easily talk to you.

 

Or kind of you. You-ish?

 

Damn it, Parker, do you even get how shitty this is? I'm sitting right next to you, and yet you're sort of just not here. You're not here, you're not the same, and everything is so _very wrong_. Everything is wrong, ~~and I~~ and forgive me for sounding childish, but I hate it.

 

I hate it, alright? I hate how you look at me and don't recognize me -- any part of me. I hate that I know your sisters better than you do. I hate having to watch your mom cry because you don't remember her and she's afraid she's going to lose you.

 

Or never get you back.

 

We miss you, Parker. We miss you and you're lying right damn next to us.

 

We need you back, okay?

 

~~_I_ need you back. ~~

 

Fuck it, I know that's cliche as hell, but I don't care because it's true.

 

I need you back.

 

Love,

~~Jemmy~~

~~James~~

Jemmy

  


OoOoO  


August 5th

Parker,

 

It’s officially been three days ~~without you without the real you~~ without your memories.

 

It doesn’t sound like a long time, but damn.

 

I miss you.

 

Love,

Jemmy

 

OoOoO  


August 7th

Parker,

 

Peggy came to visit today. She brought your favorite hoodie. You know, the magenta one that I hate but you love so I just roll my eyes because you’re an idiot? Anyway, she held out that stupid, horrible, loud, flashy, amazing hoodie, and for a moment I thought you might be remembering something because you were so quiet.

 

And then, damn it Parker, and you said it was “nice” with the ~~fakest~~ most forced smile I’ve ever seen.

 

You’re so different now. Are you always so different?

 

Why do you have to be so different?

 

Love,

Jemmy

 

  
OoOoO  
  


August 10th

Parker,

 

It has now been over a week since I last kissed you. Over a week since you called me darling. Over a week since you ranted and raved over some absurd thing you found online.

 

It’s been over a week since, pardon the cliché, I lost you.

 

In the last week I’ve been helpless as I’ve watched you slip through my fingers like sand. Every passing day is a day less likely that you’ll ever come back to us.

 

I do not think it’s irrational of myself to state that at this point, I worry if I’ll ever see the real you again.

 

I don’t know what I’d do then.

 

I’ve lost you once, don’t make me do it again, I’m begging you.

 

Love,

Jemmy  


  
OoOoO

 

August 15th

Parker,

 

Today was the first day of junior year. Classes are ~~shit~~ okay. Anna is in my lit class, and I swear if you don’t come back soon I’m going to have to kill her without you.

 

Peggy says hi, by the way.

 

Love,

Jemmy

 

  
OoOoO  
  


August 19th

Parker,

 

Today, they had you try out a wheelchair for the first time. I could tell you hated it, even if you didn’t say anything.

 

It’s like losing your memories made you part Burr or something. You don’t ever say what you’re feeling. It’s odd, to say the least.

 

Anyway, with your shaved head and wheelchair, you reminded me of black, teenage Professor X, and I said as much.

 

You didn’t get it.

 

Imagine that. You, Mr. Sees-Every-Marvel-Movie-The-Day-It-Opens, not getting an X-Men reference. It wasn’t even a subtle reference for God’s sake! I called you Professor X!

 

Well, it was decided that we (we being Charlie, Peggy, and I) needed to right this wrong, so we spent the rest of the day watching X-Men movies. Even the ones that were, frankly, horrible.

 

You seemed to enjoy it, though, so that’s all that matters.

 

The whole thing felt almost normal.

 

Love,

James

  
  
OoOoO  


 

August 22nd

Parker,

  
~~I'm~~

~~I just~~

Never mind.

 

Love,

James

  
  
OoOoO  


 

August 25th

Parker,

 

You should see yourself in that wheelchair. I know it’s terrible and you hate it, but boy can you move. You’re already faster than me.

 

Not that I’m fast. Asthma sucks.

 

Love,

James

  
  
OoOoO  


 

August 26nd

Parker,

 

~~I miss you.~~

 

~~I need you.~~

 

Please come back.

  


Ever yours,

James

 

OoOoO

 

August 29th

Parker,

 

You laugh more, now. You're always smiling, unless you're in your wheelchair or doing any sort of physical therapy.

 

Are you happier, now? Was it all truly so bad that not remembering any of it makes you happier? Are you better off now?

 

Is it terrible of me to hope you remember anyway?

 

Love,

James

  
  
OoOoO  


 

September 2nd

Parker,

 

Here we are. You’ve been without your memories for a full month. For a full month, I’ve stood by while you faded away. Any faith I had in you ever returning to yourself is all but gone.

 

Why is the world so cruel? Why ~~give us~~ give you a second chance, only to snatch it away? What’s the _point_? Haven’t you suffered enough? Can you not just be happy? What kind of cruel master is the universe if this is your fate?

 

A crueller master than you ever were, that’s for sure.

 

~James

  
  
OoOoO  


 

September 6th

Parker,

 

I’m writing this in the car as my dad drives me to the hospital. Your mom called-- well, Charlie called on your mom’s phone, and said you were having some sort of nightmare, muttering about Mary and Martha.

 

I’m trying not to get my hopes up.

 

~James

**Author's Note:**

> ... My hand... kind of... slipped. Oops.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Tell me what you thought!


End file.
